The rise and fall

I've hit rock bottom,again. It's been countless times since this has happened to me. Such a great big blow is dealt to me every time I fall into this godforsaken pithole. It just hurts so much to think I'm totally helpless in situations like this. Completely helpless. How many times would I need to try before we actually achieve something worthwhile? Just how many failures would I have drown into before I could finally just swim up to surface and shrug of all the sweat that I'm in? It could be said that I haven't been trying my best, doing my best. Just exactly, how would I even know if I did my best? All I can say is that I've been doing way

Here I go again.

All it takes is one glance at her smile just to make me feel that the little caterpillars inside me has become beautiful coloured butterflies that are trying to find their way outta my stomach. I guess i'm the only one that understands what this sentence mean. My motivation for the day, even though you'll never know. Edit: She will know. I gotta let her know somehow.

Fighting hard for change

If there's something I want to say, I'll say it from the deepest depths of my heart; It is almost impossible to actually make a change, but it can be done. Seriously, I'm fighting so hard with myself just to change. It's difficult, but achievable.

I'll post a picture of something here that'll probably make me change for the better.



Yes, the picture you see above is indeed THE Fiat Coupe. Actually, it is a Yellow Fiat Coupe. The first car is saw in my life that left an impact on which car I want to own, right up until now. I saw this car behind my old house, in Kota Kemuning. It was 10 years ago and I still love it. I just love how it looks and not just for its looks alone, it's performance..and yeah..its looks. Some friends say that it's ugly, weird and some stuff which I fail to comprehend, but I certainly find it absolutely stunningly beautiful. (Call me a crazy guy who has weird taste for cars but who cares, just look at her!) A dream car I'd say. I want to work harder and smarter for this stunning beauty above, and also for other stuff.

I'm gonna own it one day. Soon, hopefully. Trust me. :)

PS: I just hope I can really trust me.

that little guy

There is always a little faith and hope, somewhere around you. You just gotta think back hard and try to remember whT you're really after. When something during that situation doesn't seem right at all, or if it isn't your way at , just take a deep breathe and think about what matters. You'll start to think and remember the things that could be of matter to you. What im saying is, live by the words of wisdom that you've told yourself before, and don't ever forget it. Just remember it. Even in our deepest darkest moments of life, in any terrible situation that you're in, remember what you told yourself and what you wanted. Just remember it and feel that exact emotion you felt when making that decision, and do it. Whatever that is bothering you, will fade.

2012 Resolutions

Yeah i know. It's another new chapter or edition or release in the bookstore. To be more specific, it's the dawn of yet another spanking new year, which means, new resolutions. I'm gonna cut this short.

Here's first up on my list:

1# Manage myself. I'm such a klutz. I can't do anything right. But here's something i want to improve. I want to be able to manage myself better.

an epiphany

Life and some things in between is like a race. Everyone is heading towards that finish line. Everyone wants to get there first. You also want to reach that finish line before they do. Everyone trains hard to be able to run the race. You've got to train and work hard to reach that finish line. The moment you stop running, others who are running will get ahead of you, the moment you fall, get back up and continue running. You get back up because you want to reach the finish line. Keep in your mind that You, and only you, want to win that race. At this point of time and situation, the others do not matter. Only you do, because you want to win the race.

the reason above all

Have you ever wondered? Of course you have. Everyone has wondered about something at some point in their lives. But what I'm talking about is something different. It's something much more deeper than you might you think. It isn't your everyday thought. It's a deep subconcious thinking. The point where you go deeper in the depths of your little brain to find that little magical orb. This magical orb holds the key to the door you've been trying to find.

re-work the mind

From now on, pay attention to every single detail I encounter.

if I don't stand up for myself, nobody will.

I'm going to start doing what I'm thinking without thinking twice from now on.

It's about my future

Right now, I have to make a change. I REALLY HAVE TO. If I continue being this way, I might cause unnecessary damage to anyone in the future and mostly myself. I gotta think hard and I gotta keep it mind from now on and always. Keep it in mind to never make such a mistake again. Forgetfulness and this lack of responsibility will ruin me in the long run. It is already ruining me slowly. My tendency to forget even the tiniest of details will kill me. Jinn, think hard and make a change.You have to do it right this instant. The damage has already been done and cannot be reversed. The only thing you can do right now is to realize and act upon where you left off. Be smart this time. The tallest building started from a speck of sand once, so remember that. To build yourself up, you have to get it in your mind that YOU want to do it, and keep piling the stacks up one by one. Be it slow, never mind,just keep doing it. No more slacking. Remember this.

I was awoken right around 6 in the morning by my handphone ring. Patrick was calling me. I ignored the first few calls because I was freakin' tired and also because I thought there was nothing urgent. But he kept calling, and I knew something wasn't normal. He'd usually call once or twice only if it wasn't urgent. So I picked up the 5th call and he told me that his car died. The primary assumption was that his car battery died. Yeah..so I was still lying in my bed and thinking if i should go, i told him on the phone i'd come to him if i could find my jumpstart cable. in bed thinking, dude..wake up, go help your buddy. he was always there when i needed advice and help. so yeah, i got up, took my satria car keys and checked the boot and violaa the cable was still there. so i went to him in summit's jockey area, thank god he was nearby. helped him out, everything worked, we were both happy and we went for breakfast at ehsan. we met a middle aged man who talked a lot about stuff and mainly, life. amazing how people seem to connect randomly. it's the law of attraction kicking in. and blablabla..it was a good kick to start my day. talking to a new acquaintance about what most people seem to miss out on in their busy hectic ever passing by life, life as it really is. well then, i'm still in the process of moving on from what had happened during new years till feb 18. holy fuck, i can even remember the last time we went out together. anywho..i'm no longer putting hope in where this relationship with her could lead to, romantically or sexually or whatever. well, maybe in the future, or in the distant future or whenever, but as long as it's the present and what continues to be, i'm moving on. My first event in this company, Genting Highlands, and the big-ass toyota Hi-ace van, here I come.

The recovering broken heart

It's hard growing up in a broken family. There are moments in the past that are hard to forget. I've been alive for 22 years and yet some part of me still feels broken. It's something that is difficult to mend. It has been almost a decade since my parents have left each other, leaving behind bits and pieces of what they couldn't put together as parents. I do have friends that keep me going while inspiring me subconsciously to go farther in life, but there are still times when I'm alone, the darkness of my past that is within me shrouds all over and covers the only light that I have inside me which keeps me going. That's how I am feeling right now. But then again, this feeling is temporary until I meet my friends again and meet new people. There's so much to live for, I know. And that is why I am still moving forward, slowly. But I'll get there, I just know it! I can see the bright blue sky ahead! I am fucking pumped up right now. Nervous, but pumped up. I'm starting work tomorrow. Yes. Tomorrow. I'm venturing forth into this new field. Not sure where this road is taking me but I've got a good feeling. Let's fucking do this. >:)

Savvy, the ideal Reality.

After months of just awing helplessly in anxiousness at those magnificent starry lights up high in the mountains distances away, I have finally accomplished what I have longed for while serving customers and drunkards up in Sky Bar. Standing high above ground, thirty three floors up high, enlightening me with the view of the majestic glow of Genting Highlands, I have done it. While I was sweating my armpits off in Sky Bar, all I could dream of at that moment was to drive my soon to be acquired little Proton Savvy(now a reality) up that winding road to Genting. I've done it yesterday. On Christmas Eve, 2010. The experience I had was revolting. I've had a wonderful sense of achievement. I am impressed at what I thought I couldn't achieve at such a short given span of time. I've done it within the timespan. As long as you believe and have the willpower to do so, you can achieve. Be it in any form of a circumstance. YES you can.

Whoopie.

How does it feel to get wasted? Awesome. But what comes next is pretty much a kick in the gut. Puking right after and feeling all drowsy. Yep. But still, awesomeness overpowers anything else.